Antidote: Recognizing that the other person is feeling overloaded can help. In this situation, it's fine for either you or your partner to say, "Let's take a break right now," says Smyth. If you're the one feeling overloaded, say something like, "I want to hear what you're saying, but I just walked in the door," or "I'm too upset right now. Can we talk in a little bit?" Or if you sense your partner is feeling attacked, offer to return to the topic later. "The idea is to recognize the negative behaviors that are predictive of divorce and to use various tools as a couple to work against them," says Smyth.
The American Journal of Sociology recently published a study that found a husband's unemployment can be a key factor behind divorce. In fact, lack of money can often cause marital problems to flare into a divorce filing. A married couple facing financial difficulties is often under a lot of stress, which in turn can lead to constant arguing and lack of communication. Couples who don't see eye to eye on spending habits or that are in relationships where one spouse controls the finances are at risk for a divorce, with an estimated 40% of divorced couples noting this as the main reason for ending the relationship.
Second marriages have a higher rate of divorce than first marriages, which may signal that too few of those who get divorced put enough energy into understanding what happened and how to prevent it from happening again. Finding a root cause may take some time and require the help of a counselor or therapist. An outsider can be especially helpful if you have zeroed in on one potential cause and need to broaden your view to reexamine the whole relationship. A therapist can also assist you in dealing with the difficult emotions that may resurface in such a reexamination.